AN IMPORTANT NOTE ON TRAUMA
While reading this article, keep in mind that we all go through some form of trauma at some point in our lives. Whether that trauma is relatively large or small, does not matter. It is an individualistic experience, and is real and valid in any scenario. Therefore, if you are experiencing negative behavioural patterns, yet criticize yourself for behaving in a certain way despite having a “normal” upbringing, just remember that - small or large - we all experience challenges. Therefore, do not judge yourself for behaving the way you do - rather, inquire and learn about what steps you must take to break that cycle, regardless of the cause.
WHAT IS TRAUMA?
A common misconception about trauma is that it is event-based. Trauma is less about the event itself than it is how you interpret the event, and how your nervous system organizes its response to the event.
In my experience, there are roughly twenty core wounds created by the mind surrounding trauma. People will experience one or more of these core wounds in any traumatic situation. The wounds, or the meaning assigned to the situation, can include beliefs like: “I am unsafe”, “I have been abandoned”, “I am alone”, or “I don’t matter”. These wounds are essentially the meaning or interpretation that your mind is giving to the event. For example, imagine a child who comes from an abusive household: they may, when witnessing one parent abusing the other, run to their room and feel “alone” in this terrible experience. However, another child may feel “unsafe”.
These core wounds tend to then become quite repetitive in daily life, and are carried into adulthood. For example, if someone were to come from an abusive household, which triggered a core feeling of being “unsafe”, their subconscious would then become hypersensitive to situations where they felt “unsafe”. Since the subconscious is programmed to survive, and theirs has become hypervigilant around potentially threatening situations, they then project their stored childhood trauma into their environment to avoid scenarios where they could feel “unsafe”. This can then manifest into feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or detachment - as mentioned, this is how the nervous system responds to the meaning assigned to the traumatic situation.
So - what does this mean? If you have a core belief that you, for example, are “unsafe” as a result of trauma that you experienced in childhood, it means that your subconscious is projecting this belief into your daily life as an outdated means of protection. This also means that the suffering from trauma - meaning the long-term emotional distress originating from painful event - is created by the meaning you're giving to the situation, rather than the event itself.
However, once you understand the underlying meaning you are giving to your trauma, you are then empowered to heal it.
Keep in mind that this article is the first step in a larger process of trauma healing. It’s intention is to help you understand that you don’t have to be a victim to your trauma - whether you have experienced a tremendously painful event, or a series of smaller challenges, by understanding the meaning you are assigned to you trauma, you can begin transforming it. An interesting quote by Gabor Maté draws on this idea: “It’s not why the addiction - it is why the pain”.
TIPS & TRICKS FOR EXPLORING YOUR TRAUMA
Write Down Outstanding Negative Experiences
The memories that come to mind that cause a strong and negative emotional response are ones that your subconscious has created an automated reaction to. Therefore, they are events that need resolution. So, ask yourself: what did I make this event mean about me? Is it, for example: I feel unsafe, or I feel alone? Keep digging until you find an answer in the form of a judgment that you made about yourself - your answer must be framed in a way that expresses how you feel. Keeping the same household example in mind, an answer that is too surface-level would be “I had bad parents”. Although they may have not been good parents, you need to come to an answer that helps you heal your trauma - in other words, you need to find what meaning you assigned to the situation about yourself. This would then potentially bring you to something like: "I believed that I was unsafe”.
Ask Yourself: Where do I Project These Beliefs Today?
Keep in mind that this exercise is about self-awareness and exploring your trauma moreso than it is an in-depth solution to healing your trauma. However, it will shed some light on the suffering you may be experiencing. So, the second step is to ask yourself where the belief you found in Step (1) appears today. Keeping the same example in mind, it may be that, today, you feel unsafe in your job security. It may potentially be that you feel unsafe walking home at night.
By doing this exercise, you’ll notice that the core wounds that you have from your traumatic experience are manifested in a variety of areas in your life.
Are these Assumptions Completely True?
Now question the validity of these beliefs. Are they true, or am I projecting outdated beliefs into my present? Maybe your neighbourhood is unsafe and it is justified to be concerned about walking home at night. However, you may concurrently be a wonderful employee who does have job security and you are projecting your fears from childhood into your present.
Summatively, begin by validating your trauma - do not judge yourself for behaving the way you do. We all experience trauma in our lives. Then, inquire into what meaning you are giving your trauma, and understand the bodily response that consequently results (such as anxiety, nervousness, e.t.c.). Then, ask yourself: where are these beliefs projected into my life today? And lastly: are these assumptions completely true?
By bringing your subconscious patterns up to a conscious level, you will be able to take a clear look at what is governing you in your daily life.