Imagine this scenario: you have had a difficult day, and you reach out to a friend to ask them to come over for some support. You are hoping to sit down and chat through the challenges you had faced that day. Then, as you begin to share, your friend starts scrolling through social media. Or, they get up and get a glass of wine. Essentially, your friend is only partially paying attention to what you are trying to tell them.
Ironically, this is something we do to ourselves every day. When we come home from a tough day at work, for example, we do not take the time to inquire about why it was so challenging for us, and put on the TV instead. This is not a way to process your emotions - it is an attempt to dissociate from what you are feeling.
Eventually, the emotions that you are neglecting will come out in another form - whether it is through poor coping mechanisms, arguments with your partner, or other forms that will create suffering.
TIPS & TRICKS TO RELIEVE SUFFERING
Write Things Down
By writing things down, you will be able to find greater clarity about what is truly causing emotional distress. For example, imagine you are fired from work - the suffering that coincides with that event originates in the meaning that you assign to it. It may be that you lose the feeling of security, you may feel not good enough, or you may feel embarrassed or ashamed about telling your family you were fired. By identifying the pieces of meaning that you assign to the situation - such as feeling not good enough - you put yourself in a position to heal, rather than suffer helplessly.
Question The Validity of These Beliefs
Did you truly lose your job because you weren’t “good enough”? Maybe the company had to restructure because of external circumstances entirely out of your control. By questioning the meaning that you are assigning to a situation, you can begin to relieve yourself of the thoughts you’re having that are causing your suffering - especially if they are invalid.
For Thoughts that are Valid - Strategize
In this scenario, you’ll likely think that you’ll need to find a new job. This will most likely be true. Therefore, use the energy you were using to stress over invalid beliefs to, instead, find a strategy for the scenarios that are true. This may include reaching out to old friends in your industry, organizing your finances, and putting together a new resume. Make sure you also define how and when you will execute these strategies.
As you write down what is causing you distress, what challenges you will face, and how you will face them, you will begin to bring back security to your situation. You will more clearly see what you need to do, and will move through this challenge more quickly and easily than you would have otherwise.
Reflect on The Experience
Lastly, wisdom can often be found in challenges. Take a moment to ask yourself: is there an opportunity to learn something about myself throughout this experience? Perhaps it is an opportunity to begin exploring a dream that you’ve had to enter a different industry that, historically, you’ve repressed. Although challenges arise in different magnitudes throughout our lives, there is always value in taking a moment to reflect on what lessons may be learned throughout that challenge.
Overarchingly, by taking a moment to write down what you’re feeling, which of those feelings may be true or exaggerated, and looking for solutions to the problem, you will find that your suffering will be greatly eased. As you reflect, you may also learn something invaluable about yourself throughout this process that you wouldn’t have without the hardship you’re experiencing!